28.10.08

What to WRITE ?


After a good long Break ...once again am back to BUG :P
Life is never the same ... :) A little High 'N' a little Low
First thing first - :) Hope you all Had a Great Diwali ! I would like to wish (Belated*) all the newly married couple a very very happy Thalai deepavali.

Its been sometime since I wrote anything but scripts & some emails to loved ones. I even lost the habit of reading novel's after the completion of "3 Mistakes of My life" . Its not the book that made me stop but yeah my self & the kind of life am forced to lead. The kind of project I am in should never be the first project for any fresher & for that matter I wish such projects never even EXISTS! :P Insane huh?...try my shoes and you would not Disagree. Imagine 2 weeks of close to 14 hrs work EVERYDAY and Weekends too you are expected to show your face to your system. Fine, as long as you enjoy the work this shouldn't make you HATE to go to work. And I love my work - and more than that I love my friends here with me in this project .So work aint a big pain to me. I absolutely enjoyed my work & working late was not an issue either. But just few weeks back i had this very bad time. Nothing related to the scripts i develop but with one absolute FAKE i had put up with. I had been seeing everyone in my project as a good friend – I felt really lucky to get such loving nice people .And they are! From nowhere some people develop this Monstrous attitude that they just do not care if they are doing the right thing or for that matter - atleast things that thier conscience would not approve and for which one may not have to feel guilty LATER*.
I can tolerate anything but a FAKER. I just cannot stand such people. I do not make a scene or fuss about it but just cannot do that " Hey hi.. :) "- give a smile when you just did not like what they have become. Call me an idiot or whatever ... But thats how I am. If there is an issue I have with someone whom i know well, I believe in talking it over & figuring out a solution (I TRY HARD* because I really hate losing any relationship for silly issues.) For the first time when they do something stupid i try to tolerate. Second time , i tend to loose patience - so i let the other person know How i feel about what they are doing or have done. I try to understand if the other person has done it intentionally or by mistake. Mostly from the way they respond i get an Idea about what actually the other person has in mind. If its something that i may not be okay with, I simply stay away and avoid any further irritation. But MOST OF THE TIMES - I try to forgive, forget & move on (if it’s not a major blunder that they have done). There had been this person who had not been having a very smooth time & had continuously been irritating me in many ways & venting out her frustrations on me (I guess, Someone had left a wrong defintion for Friend in her Database!). Initial days I knew what she was going through and i felt only sorry for whatever is happening in her life. So i actually did not take it as an offence when she acts like Skull cracked. My best buddies who are now not with me back here in bangalore had always warned me – to stay away and actually not bother about this person. I should have listened to them. I did not… may be I could not, I was not able to.

(Pattaal dhaan puthi varum would hold good for me- but I just learnt a valuable lesson in life through this one – You do not always get what you give- you would also get something you may not have imagined – something which is ABSOLUTELY BAD in return. I try to give the best that I can – I do not demand anything back but I sure do not want any Non-Sense back.)

But then as days passed - this attitude of this person got worser and my patience towards her had been taken for granted. I kind of tried to comfort her whenever things get screwed up. I had tried to comfort her saying things would be alright soon, try doing this ... that... may be this should settle the issue and lot many times had been trying to remind herself of what her +'s are (It was pretty challenging to find them). Slowly as days passed - she had started targeting @ me making statements like - You do it quickly, You have already completed this - that , why are you doing things so fast, Slow down. Blah Blah. Well... that’s when i started feeling uncomfortable. This person was half the time wasting time in non Productive things which I did not opt for. I was not working in Super speed but she was NOT working – that was the problem. Each one of us has our own task & our own way of working. I have my own way - she has hers. There is no point in comparing. I did not quite like it, when the tone started to sound rather compaining. I realized my Help is not going to be of any use to this person if this is the tendency she has. At that point i told her that each one has thier own style of working and the way we do our work also differs. You work in your comfortable way & I would in mine. It is the quality of work that is important & yours is nothing less than mine. So do not bother too much - just do your work- do it happily. It did not seem to have been absorbed. She had been then trying to do things that would hurt me. And when I try to not make it an issue – be calm & ignore the stupidity – This person would get back to me saying ‘Sorry..i dnt mean to do that.Try to forget it… blah blah’. Whenever an apology was made I tried to forget & move on – although they did not seem sincere because it never stopped. As days passed- this person kind of started doing things that would not be seen too obviously but would end up leaving me hurt or irritated. It seemed to target my peace @ work. I was trying to ignore this and move on. But once i started doing that - it become even more challenging for this person to stop trying to irritating me. And as it got worser - I lost all my patience & just wanted to leave the place.I did not want to be around such people EVER! It was not worth talking to this person. How many times can I? I felt rather hurt for the kind of attitude this person had developed. Its the same way with few others but they did not seem to mind it much. I did not discuss this with anyone in my team as I felt it would leave the other person in embaressment. Also I could not digest the Fake anymore. This person was absolutely manipulative. And i could not tolerate such people.
I cannot pretend like nothing happened and move on as before with this person. One day my best buddy realized this and spoke to me -I did not realize am hurting myself for someone who is not Worth until our discussion that day. Many things got cleared only that day to me. This buddy of mine- she had been moving quite closely with both of us. She had observed that offlate everyone seem to have developed a distance with this person for some reason. I was lost in my own world of BLUES* for I could not believe people could be like this. I hardly bothered to take notice on this until that day. We all had been quite close, and we still are. She knew the whole thing even before I said it, may be that’s what true friends are- they know even before you say it, but she was only surprised for why i was feeling bad or rather upset while she acts like nothing happened. I could not figure out either... i did nothing wrong but I felt lost & blue. She said that I am leaving many people worried by being too silent & Pre-occupied.She said there was no reason for me to be that way- but that i need to understand some people are just STUPID. Now I am out of it. While I was terribly LOW, this person did not bother to give a word of comfort (I did not expect a sorry … but atleast some nice words could have been HUMANE) - but when i was back on track seemed rather worried about how I am out of it. She tried to make friends with me again.But GOD! I was Tired... this is not the first time & this time she had tested all my patience - Not anymore. I had to endup replying saying there is nothing we have to discuss ...Just move on. That was the MOST ETHICAL way i could imagine responding to a manipulative - stupid Nutcase!

I was left puzzled for having met someone like this. This person is one in a million – and I wonder how God could program such brains. It must have been his trickiest assignment. Till date I am not able to digest the fact – Inspite of you trying to be supportive some people use it when they need & with no regard take some other form later and behave like an animal and still expect you to forgive & forget. Well.... I just can't fake along. I could be stubborn in that may be too Stubborn. And am never regretting for that character of mine. I love myself when i make such stands but angry @ myself when I let such idiots upset me(*Only for a shorter span though - till i realise & get out of it) .And some way or the other my silence had made many of them more supportive - even those I least thought would sense that something is wrong. Thats the only comfort I had when i was in this (kind of*) depression & it helped me pull myself out through this Crap. Alright its over now :) and am out of it & I have learnt one more precious lesson in life.

What do you think about this whole thing? – Is it necessary to ACT like nothing happened when there are such camelieons? Is it a part of the WORK (un)CULTURE? Should you play along or do what you think is right & do what you would not feel guilty for later.

Life just keeps getting interesting ……

And am learning a lot!
So long Dear! :)

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh god! look at the size of that post. I thought u quit blogging

Prithivi said...

Good life lesson --- and i dont think "god" has programmed only one in a million people like this -- there are more out there --- be thankful that next time u meet one (trust me you will) --- ur brain is programmed to deal with that .... and its hard not to be affected by their attitudes ... so

Keshi said...

ty for visiting my blog!

I hv met so many ppl like that in my life...at first it was so hard to believe that ppl can be really that cunning and hurtful, and change their colors according to wut suits them. But now Im well-equipped to handle such cowards and I dun give 2 hoots abt em anymore. The moment I come across anothet cameleon, I just discard em from my life and move on.

U do the same. :)


Keshi.

Jeevan said...

Sometimes we try not to hurt someone and hurt ourselves, up to a level we can make patience when in such across situation we can’t think anything than getting away from it. Out of reading, we get more experience to life from real life. Welcome back buddy, hope u had a wonderful deepavali!

Karthik B.S. said...

and at last... you have justified blogging.. ranting about the work place.. hehee kidding..

idhellam arisiyal'la sagajamappa.. kandukkapadahu.

Karthik B.S. said...

and enakku inna solradhunu theriyala.. so sollamale iruken. :)

TC Ratnapuri said...

Hello Marutham, good to see your post and to realize you are doing well. Somethings in life are not worth wasting your precious time and energy, unless you really need to. You will bump into these kinds of people ALL the time in life. So learn to recognize them and stay away from them before you get affected. Goodluck with everything and have fun.

DT said...

welcome back... after a long time m too visiting your blog.. and you have never changed :) hehe... just wondering if you put all these 4-5 month gap in blogging in one post!! anyway welcome back and keep blogging

mitr_bayarea said...

Welcome back and too bad that your work schedule is crazy. Hmm....another vent about work post, am with you, hear you.

vishesh said...

that was long :) welcome back :D

Dinesh C said...

Hi Marutham,
Konjam lengthy post! ippothaiku attendance.

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Balaji S Rajan said...

Marutham,

Never mind. I know it is difficult to forget bad things. The only problem is being sensitive. I think people like us behave well and treat human beings well. At the same time we believe everybody and like to be treated the same way how we treat them. When things do not happen as we expect then starts the problem.

Life is really challenging and we learn everyday.