That EXCEPT for 1 day.

After returning back from college today I gave some time for me and just me! Dad has left for a two day trip.I went to the terrace & there I was, having a nice view of the sunset & enjoying the evening breeze.But then on scanning the incidents of the week................Here is something that rather puzzled me ,it was about ME! I could hardly hide things in my heart (especially things that I feel people aren't right to me about. Say betray, a strong word tho'..ok lemme put it this way pretence, Cheat, fake, lie or any false statement that they use on me to impress or trap me. Just because I am not rude/silly enough to say" STOP IT THERE, am not the one! Don't try to fool me."It is foolery!) and put a dirty smile on my face and speak to that person as though nothing happened and later take REVENGE. That isn't my formula.......but some times my formula goes against me! Ok! Coming back to this weeks incident that upset me lot......... There was this girl who sits next to me, and to do a task that i had earlier planned , she intervened and told me that i would wait for her and we shall do this together. And almost got a promise like that i wouldn't do it alone and would do it only if she is there with me.This was sounding like a trapdoor for me. But I kind of nodded for that, because she was repeatedly asking me. Then this fine day she was proceeding with this task along with another classmate of mine without even notifying me about this. And it wasn't going on like a secrecy, she dint keep it that way. It was like a child's play. Damn silly!!! This Disappointed me, Irritated me, Upset me.... It was an Untruthful word that she gave me(SHE got the word from me ,actually!) about this task. I did sense it earlier but just gave her a chance. Then when things really got on to my nerve, I decided to talk this over with her.And i did TALK ,no Quarrel, no scolds, and no harsh words. I asked her if that AGREEMENT kind of thing that she made the other day was meant to be one-sided and was it only for me? Now she asked the (USUAL) STUPIDEST QUESTION...."What is it your talking about DA?" There! Wise Huh? Now she has picked selective amnesia! Then I had to tell the whole thing that which SHE HAD SPOKEN TO ME EARLIER.Then she gave me an irritating answer saying that" Aren't you aware that I have started this TASK with X?" So do she expect me to creep over things and get knowledge about what the lady is upto? I asked her this and told her very clearly that she had failed to keep her word for the 2nd time. She can't meddle with me just because iam not making a fuss over the mistakes that she has been repeatedly doing. And it bothers me because ,am the VICTIM here. It isn't going to be hard for me to ignore or insult her the next time. I don't want to pick a quarrel with this person because I really am not feeling GOOD about it. This time I just asked to her give me a decent answer for what she has done in this regard or at-least a justification. The lady hardly looked at my face. Then after few seconds she started mumbling some stupid reasons that were hardly relevant to the topic. Then I asked her to stop this child's play with me and told her "I don't want to be rude so better let me be so. Lets no more talk about this because it upsets me." Sometime later am hearing this SOBGosh! What happened ,what have I done? I hardly remembered all those irritating things she has done!I got so Upset and heart broken! What did i speak that has made her weep. Then i put my hand on her shoulders and said"It is Ok! Calm down. What happened for you to cry? We just spoke over this issue...isn't it? Am sorry if I was rude. It just kept bugging me and I couldn't help myself. i did not charge on u dee, I just wanted an answer so that we could be normal. And you did not give me any.Fine, I told we shall drop this topic.Now stop crying and calm down yourself.It is alright." Then she took few minutes and settled down and started talking as usual.She made jokes on our sir and made me laugh with her and all the regular stuff. She reacted as though nothing happened. I appreciate it but how?Is it my fault or is it hers. Am I the villain of the story? Or am i over expecting or impractical? Or am i wrong with my judgements? Or is it that people are like that. (Going to be that way. Give word and then cheat on us and expect us to be like nothing happened and take revenge later? )In the first place, Why did she say I do this task if she is with me or never do it?And said that she too would do it with me or not do. What ever may the case be ,She could have just told me " No di. I dont think I can keep my word, Iam planning to do it with X and u may proceed with your earlier plans." I could have at-least started it my way! Or is her plan to stop me from doing.I leave it to you! Iam telling this from the deep heart. I was so mad at myself for the whole evening. I mostly talk over the days happening with my father, but today i Didn't. I was so mad at myself that i didn't want to talk to any one. And secondly, I was reluctant to take this silly issue to DAD. But honestly, the whole evening I was so GUILTY and gloomy that i had made this girl cry. I never meant to make her cry. And honestly I wasn't harsh on this girl, I really wasn't. This kept haunting me! Was i wrong? And was the girl just pretending like she was upset(Because if that be the case, she would have taken a little more time to laugh, mock a teacher or giggle.).Now we are in good terms. Hope she don't play her silly tricks any more. Do I have any mistake in my side? DO I REALLY HAVE TO CHANGE MY SELF ABOUT SOMETHING?


senthil natarajan said...

though these things sound silly, these things hurt you the most.
probably it was your expectation that made you feel bad... and i dont see anything wrong in asking the girl! u dont hv to curse yourself.
next time on dont have too much of expectation... and take things lightly. easier said i know... but thats how life is

Marutham said...

Very true SN! That's how life is....... :) And seriously i have stopped complaining abt that day and am not cursing me anymore!Actually few years back another friend of mine told the same lines to me.....WHEN YOU DON'T EXPECT, THE PAIN IS VERY NEGLIGIBLE!! But i have a qn..What in the human brain, tend us to expect on..?

senthil natarajan said...

I used to feel the same way while i was in college, small issues n i would be hurt! May be coz the sacred circle of friends was big and i was taking things for granted from them as well... slowly the cirlce has shrunk to ppl of my kind... now i dont feel dumped even if such things happen.. i think these are all the things that we learn from college..
coming to your actual question.. may be we trust all those who come our way and take things for granted! but the actual reasoning might be a lot more complex....(better way of saying i dunno ;-))
long time no post... coz too lazy, came to trichy yesterday and din feel like posting anything new.

Marutham said...

Ok.......Howz trichy after all those heavy FLOODS! Must be greener now for sure! Have fun.

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